An email just popped into my inbox with the subject: ‘In over your head?’ My immediate answer to this question was yes. Yes I do feel like I’m in over my head at this particular moment in my life. The situation is a combination of lots of different areas of my life overflowing and mixing together but as I’ve gotten older I’ve started to notice a few red flags that pop up when I’m not managing the load as well as I hoped.
Firstly, I get grumpy. Grumpy about everything and nothing in particular. It’s the kind of grump you can’t quite shake and it makes me feel like I’m starting out on the back foot with everything. For a generally quite upbeat person, it makes me feel at a disadvantage. It also makes me a pain in the butt to live with because, as you know when you’re grumpy, even the smallest things are huge and annoying.
For example, at breakfast yesterday I told the kids I wasn’t in a great mood and that I would need extra help from them to get ready for school. Both agreed of course but then Alice used her spoon to start playing the drums on her bowl and the noise nearly sent me through the roof. It doesn’t sound as bad writing it but it was infuriating at the time. Any other day I probably wouldn’t have cared.
Second red flag that starts waving is that I get super nostalgic when life gets hard. Nostalgic for all sorts of weird things like I can’t get enough Ribena cordial (a favourite childhood drink). My iTunes starts filling up with grunge music from the 90’s and on Saturday night I felt compelled to watch the 1995 classic ‘Now and Then’ (much to Matt’s disappointment) which came out when I was 13 and is about a group of women who reflect upon a summer they shared together when they were 13.
Wrapping myself up in cosy, less stressful memories from a very distant past is a pretty common way of making oneself feel good. I find listening to Nirvana and Soundgraden somehow soothing. I think it’s because I was so carefree when I first started listening to them. I have great memories of hanging out in highschool friends' bedrooms listening to Bush and Pearl Jam without a care in the world. Life was so simple.
One of the main catalysts to the overflow of emotion right now is that we’ve been sick. Me and then Matt. We’re VERY fortunate that we rarely get sick. I certainly will go years without any major issues. I actually don’t mind being sick as long as you're not too sick. Like most people I know we’re working so hard that being sick is the only time you actually give your body any time to rest.
Unfortunately for my mental health, being sick means that I couldn’t run for a week. Another thing I’ve noticed as I get older, running is my medicine. I need to do it every 2 to 3 days or I start to feel a bit shit. Having a week off was the longest time I haven’t run in about 3 years. It is surprising how important this practice is to me now because I haven't always been a runner. I started running at the beginning of 2020 when I realised that I wouldn’t be able to catch the kids if they bolted.
I used to be one of those people who confidently said ‘oh, I don’t run’ which sounds stupid now because that's nothing to be proud of! To be honest even now I feel quite disconnected referring to myself as a runner. It feels like I'm overselling my abilities. Maybe I could bring ‘jogger’ into the everyday vernacular. I’m a confident jogger.
One of the best ways of pulling myself out of a rut is talking to other people. I’m lucky that being sick didn’t stop me from having my weekly catch up with my sister in New Zealand who is like my ‘voice of reason’, therapist and biggest cheerleader all rolled into one lovely bundle. Our minimum one hour-long meandering conversations about everything and nothing at all are essential to filling up my cup and letting off steam.
Since me and Matt work and live together it's important for us to both have trusted people we can talk to outside of our relationship. Matt has a slack group with a few mates he’s had for over 20 years where he blows off steam. My sister is probably number one but I’m lucky to have a pretty amazing group of friends from all different walks of life to tap into.
Connecting to real humans is as important for my mental health as jogging. Even though I was feeling grumpy this week I put a few well placed coffee dates into my calendar. It seems counterproductive in some ways because a major contributor to the overflow is work related (not enough and too much all at once) and drinking tea for hours is the opposite of making money but if my entrepreneurial lifestyle has taught me anything it's that money will always come and go, it's how you spend your time that important.
Catching up with a few friends both old and new, fills my cup and helps get some perspective on things. A problem shared is a problem halved or so the saying goes and I believe that. Even being able to listen to someone else and possibly help them makes the grumpiness fade. Never underestimate how good helping others makes you feel. I measure a successful week by if I managed to squeeze a great chat up with someone.
I wish there was someway I could make a living out of catching up with people. That would be a pretty sweet deal. I genuinely love spending a solid hour with someone and listening to what is going on in their life. I think that's why I love Podcasts so much. The long format where you get to go off on tangents and learn little things about people that you’d never touch on if you caught up with them in a group setting.
Maybe that’s my destiny… a meandering podcast where I just interview all the amazing people I know about everything and nothing at all. Working title: Conversations with Jess Jogger.
