This morning I couldn’t be bothered going for a run. We’d slept rough because Alice was up and down like a yo-yo. It was 1 degree but ‘felt like’ negative something horrendous and it’s winter solstice which means it was going to be darker for the longest time all year. It was hard to overcome my own objections and put my runners on but I did because the payoff is always worth it.
This morning for example there was the most extraordinary (near) full moon. It hung like a humongous yellow orb, slowly getting bigger as it approached the horizon. I ran into my 6am exercise gang which is always a delight so we’re able to marvel at the moon together as we caught up on the weekly local news, of which I featured quite heavily.
This week I was the cover girl for my local community newsletter and because this sort of thing very rarely happens to me, I shared the story far and wide. Of course the response was fantastic, thus pumping up my ego beyond recognition. Despite my disdain for social media, the constant flow of likes and congratulatory comments had me feeling pretty chuffed.
Like with any high, the low will follow and surprisingly it presented itself as a growing rage at Matt for not being as appreciative for me as everyone else had been this week. This new and exciting flow of praise made me realise I wasn’t getting the same vibe at home where I actually wanted it the most. As exciting as public accolades maybe, they’re but a flash in the pan compared to the morale boost required for day to day existence.
You see despite the spotlight briefly shining upon me, the reality is life has never been harder. I haven't been successful in 4 of the last 5 quotes I sent out for design work which sucks if I want to get paid. Our rental property that has been on the market for 8 months is falling even further into disrepair as the landlords refuse to spend money on it and we’ve taken on a bigger factory which has bigger overheads creating way bigger stress at work. While my happy little face suggests it's all smooth sailing, most of the time, it's not. I don’t think it is for anyone.
Coincidentally this week I went to the Ballarat Business Women ‘Lunch and Learn’ with Janette Dalgliesh speaking about Imposter Syndrome. Talk about timing. Next week we have three of our local MP’s visiting the HUCX factory and on Tuesday we’ve been invited to participate in the Modern Methods of Construction Industry Roundtable hosted by Hon Natalie Hutchins, the Minister for Jobs and Industry. If there was ever a situation to feel like an imposter, talking directly to the Minister of Industry about how the government can help support us alongside the titans of advanced manufacturing, then this would be it.
Thank goodness Janette shared a helpful analogy to remember when feeling like an imposter. I’m probably going to butcher it (sorry Janette) but here goes. Imagine you're in a trophy corridor - it's like a trophy room, but it goes on indefinitely either way. If anyone has been watching Dark Matter on Apple TV - imagine that - but with shelves.
From where you’re standing, all you can see is endless empty shelves trailing off into the distance. These bare shelves represent all the things you’d like to achieve in the future. If you want to do lots of things with your life, like me, then this is daunting. Not to stress because now you turn around 180 degrees to see all the trophies you’ve received in your life up until this point.
You have trophies for EVERYTHING. The first step you took. The first time you wrote your own name. The first time you walked to school by yourself. When you got your driver licence. The moment you submitted your first job application. All the times you helped out a friend. The times you stood up for yourself. The times you chose the challenge rather than the easy road. When you look back at this side of the trophy corridor those walls are positively vibrating with bling.
Imposter Syndrome is when you feel like you're not where you belong. This simple visualisation exercise is used to prove that you are exactly where you need to be. All those shiny trophies you have earned are exactly why you're supposed to be here. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the empty shelves but much like running this morning when I really couldn't be arsed. Just continually showing up is all anyone needs to do. Sprinkle that with a touch of ‘fake it till you make it’ and I’ve got nothing to worry about.
