This week Matt and I both nearly missed our 11th wedding anniversary. It wasn’t until my Mum sent a text wishing us a happy one that we even realised what the date was. This time, 11 years ago we were in Cernobbio, Italy, eloping. Sometimes it feels like another's ‘fairytale’ wedding story, in other ways it feels uniquely ours and like it was yesterday.
I think if I was writing this a month ago, in the midst of all the HUCX stress I wouldn't have recognized those two young, playful people who eloped and got married in a small town on the shores of Lake Como. I may even have been angry with them. Jealous of their carefree existence. The freedom they don’t fully appreciate. I would’ve grabbed their shoulders and said, ‘You just wait! In ten years from now you’re going to be so stressed you feel like you’re drowning all the time! Enjoy this moment because it’s the last holiday you’re ever going to take!’... I think younger me would’ve thought I was a raving lunatic...
Younger me would’ve been right. Maybe I’m exaggerating my condition a touch but after letting HUCX go just over two weeks ago, Matt and I have both come to realise just how much stress we were under. It’s a classic example of the frog in a pot of boiling water. The gradual increase of stress as we brought on staff, took on bigger projects and then had to move factories led us to a position that was simply unsustainable and we’ve always been about sustainability.
The last HUCX-free two weeks we’ve been reconnecting with those two young people who got married in Italy. We’ve been reminded of how joyful everyday can be. For example, this week we’ve been focusing on getting everyone to ride their bike school. Frank has always wanted to ride his bike but Alice had outgrown her one and we normally had to go to work after drop off so we might as well drop the kids off at the same time.
Since Matt and I are both working from home now, we’ve been walking the kids to school. I love this part of the day but Frank, rightly so, still wanted to ride his bike. Only problem is that Alice still didn’t have one. It was awkward Matt and Frank trying to ride with me and Alice walking so in true, youthful Matt style, he just dinked her on his bike. Dinking for my non-aussie friends is when you sit on the back (or front handlebars) of someone else's bike while they pedal - two people - one bike - very 80’s/early 90’s.
I acknowledge that this isn’t going to win us the responsible parent of the year award but it was so much fun (and we made Alice wear a helmet of course). Imagine our whole family riding up the street to and from school each day, laughing and occasionally shouting out road rules. “Stay to the left, Frank!” It was a scene that young Matt and Jess would’ve been proud of. A joyful scene that was adventurous, outdoorsy and maybe a little bit cheeky.
Again, it's not sustainable dinking Alice to school, so some generous friends gave us a spare bike for her to ride herself. Now Alice could ride a bike from a very early age - the second child often just follows whatever the first is doing so we didn’t think we'd have a problem with her jumping back on a bike after maybe an 18 month break. Because all fairy tales are an illusion, we spent the later half of the week with Alice screaming at me that she couldn’t ride the bike. She had trouble getting onto it but once she started pedalling she was fine. The start and finish were dramatic displays of raw seven year old emotion.
You don’t understand!!!! I CAN’T ride a bike Mum!!!
Alice, I’ve just watched you ride halfway around the park, please try again…
NOOOOOOOO!!! I CAN’T MUM!!!!!
Alright, I’ll hold it for you… (Alice hops on and pedals away)
It’s been interesting/frustrating watching how determined she was NOT to ride the bike. Even though she could comfortably ride 7km to Kirk Reservoir a year and half ago. I’m not sure if it was a confidence thing or just an opportunity to rebel but it reminded me how powerful your mindset can be. The first couple of times she tried she was repeating “I can’t ride a bike. I can’t ride a bike!” I had to stop her and say “Enough! That’s not helping anyone, even if you can’t ride a bike, let's try 'I can ride a bike’ instead.” She obviously hated that feedback but eventually she got the hang of it or remembered she could do it and this morning Matt has taken both kids to school, each on their own bike!
We often forget what you're capable of. Especially when ‘managing stress’ demands so much of our limited resources. These last few weeks have reminded me how much fun Matt and I used to have. How much we used to make out! How silly and light hearted life used to be. While I believe that nostalgia is a slippery slope (pining for a time that can never exist again is pointless) there is an opportunity here to reconnect with our more joyful selves.
I feel so incredibly grateful that Matt and I have managed to survive that last 11 years together. The last 10 years have been the hardest we’ll ever have to endure (hopefully). They have taught us that we’re incredibly resilient together. That we can take an idea from zero to a factory with 5 staff that’s ready to build houses. It also taught us that we can’t do everything and family is more important than anything else. I’m grateful that bringing joy and playfulness back into our lives is just like riding a bike.
