I passed my Australian citizen test with 100%. It’s official. Within the next 12 months I’ll be invited to attend a citizenship ceremony where I’ll pledge my allegiance to Australia and become one of its newest citizens. It wouldn’t be in time to vote in the upcoming Federal Election which is a real bummer but I’m excited to eventually be able to vote in the country I’ve called home for over 20 years now. I should have done this years ago.
I plan on having a full scale, over the top Aussie themed party to celebrate when I do become a citizen because ‘why not?’ and also while this might not change my standing in the community at all, becoming a citizen can be an absolute game changer for people who have fled other countries for a better life. So we’ll celebrate in solidarity and as a reminder of how lucky we are to call Australia (and New Zealand of course, because I’ll be ‘duel’ for sure) home.
It feels strange, almost uncanny in a Paul Jennings kind of way, to be going through this process in the middle of the liquidation of HUCX which we’re still very much in the thick of. It often feels like I’m living two completely different lives. There is the public facing and ultimately the most reflective of my character world I want to present and then there is the stark reality.
This week for example I was invited to be part of a Mothers Day Panel with some extraordinary women and was also asked to speak as part of a ‘Women in Leadership’ event by Leadership Victoria in a couple of months. Two very exciting and privileged opportunities. On the flip side I also got an email from our Health Insurance that our cover has been cancelled because we’re so far behind in payments and multiple emails from Inland Revenue in New Zealand that my Student loan payments have defaulted and they are threatening to take legal action.
What people see versus reality is often misleading and not limited to just me. My friend Lee recently wrote a piece about assumptions and it got me reflecting on what we accept as certain to happen. When people meet me, they would most likely assume that I’m a pretty well put together human. I also believe this to be true about 75% of the time but the contrast with our lived reality right now has been exacerbated by losing everything in the liquidation.
This isn’t a cry for help but an observation on how we perceive others. It’s so easy to assume that people have everything sorted but I guarantee that if you sat down with your biggest ideal they would have just as many fears, doubts and uncertainties as the next person.
It’s what makes us human.
Coincidentally Matt and I smashed all of White Lotus over the weekend while the kids were at Grandma’s and that whole show is based on the insecurities of people who have absolutely everything. For one whole series a character complains about not having the super deluxe suite that they paid for even though the suite they do have is exquisite. He was the most ungrateful person I’d ever seen and this perceived problem completely ruined his honeymoon.
I read a saying years ago that went something like ‘you must always assume that everyone is doing their best’. I’m always doing my best. You’re always doing your best. When people don’t meet expectations I guarantee it’s because there are barriers that we can’t see. Those barriers might not be barriers for everyone but like most things in life, they’re relative. Barriers, success, failure, wins, losses, all mean different things to different people.
When I reflect on the duality of our existence right now I’m more proud than anything else. When people assume that I’m super capable and throw me opportunities it reminds me that I am capable. My relentless resilience is a direct result of this situation we find ourselves in today. While it’s no ideal, it's ours. If we hadn’t been knocked down so many times I’d never have learnt how to get right back up.
This week Centrelink sent us a Healthcare card (which is what low income families get in Australia). It was also the first week I got to lead two STEM in Action programs with 130 students. As well as starting and wrapping up the day I ran 5 VR classes by myself. One of the students asked me how long I’d worked at the Tech School and when I said only 10 weeks and they all said ‘What! We thought you were the boss or something!’. One student asked if this was a real school because they’re having so much fun they didn’t quite understand what was happening. This type of feedback is what I take with me when I call Inland Revenue this afternoon to discuss my non-existent payment plan!
Everyone has different parts of their lives that don’t always feel congruent or aren't tracking as they’d hoped. The best we can hope for is that the parts of life that do fill our cups or empower us or feel like a meaningful use of our time outweigh the bits that don’t. Chin up.
