When was the last time someone surprised you with a compliment? I had an online meeting at work last week and afterwards someone reached out to say they liked the way I styled my hair and asked what product I used. I know this sounds like a rather random message to receive but after reading it I sat a little taller with my ego slightly inflated and had a big smile on my face. It only lasted for a second but it had a measurable impact on my day.
We underestimate how important our actions are to others. Good or bad, we have the ability to change another person's day in an instant. Take smiling for example. I’m a big smiler - if I catch someone's eye, I’ll smile. 80% of the time, the recipient will smile back. The remaining 20% normally give me a confused look as if they’re not quite sure why this person is smiling at them - do they know me or maybe I’m just crazy.
I’ll take 20% of people thinking I’m crazy for sure because the remaining 80% smiled. Small gestures have a big impact. Keeping the door open for someone. Telling the cashier that you love their nails. The other day at the beach an elderly lady was struggling to walk up the sand to the path so I offered her an arm. It took less than 4 seconds out of my day but she was incredibly grateful.
I fear that we’re losing the confidence to partake in these small gestures. People are so worried about interfering in other people's lives that they rather wouldn’t do it all than risk some kind of backlash. I’m not quite sure what the perceived backlash would be but the imagined fear is enough to discourage action.
It exists between strangers but also between friends. How often have you thought of a friend, picked up the phone and just sent a text instead of calling them so you didn’t interrupt their day. I do it all the time. I drive past friends' houses and think - I wonder what they're up to, rather than stopping and saying hi just in case it's inconvenient. Maybe some of this is just being polite but I remember so fondly when I was a kid just going over to friends houses - uninvited. If they were busy you were told to go home, if not you might spend the afternoon playing in their yard.
Doing things that make other people feel good makes me feel good. It's like medicine that benefits the giver and the receiver. The more positivity you put out into the world the more positive your world becomes. I’m always reminded of this when I do Park Run. Halfway into the 5km run you turn around and go back along the track you’ve just been passing the runners behind you. Most people have encouraging comments as they pass ‘Keep it up’ ‘Not far to go’ ‘Good work’. The amount of time that I’ve focused on these compliments as a way to distract myself from running is countless. Encouraging others is a great motivator to keep going.
Aesop said that ‘No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.’ This is more important now than ever given the current state of global politics. We need to be vigilant and keep looking at each other and smiling because sometimes the big picture is just a bit shit. It is the tiny gestures that keep us connected. The small acts of kindness that cost us nothing but remind others that they've made an impression on us. The next time you see something you like - say it. Man, I love your shoes. Nice glasses. You’re having a great hair day. Best case you get a big grin back having made their day, worst case they think you're crazy and that' gives you a cool edge anyway.
