I’ve got to keep this short because I have a doctor's appointment this morning that I scheduled in after reading Myf Warhurst’s book ‘Middle Rage’. After seeing her speak last week I’ve been ploughing through her book feeling inspired to prioritise my health and wellbeing over that of others. Women are notorus as making sure that everyone else is ok before attending to their own needs so I thought, fuck it, I’m going to go to the doctor, dentist and physio. All things I’ve been meaning to do for months but have never made time for. I’ve made time for just about anything else that my family needs like soccer practice and netball games but never quite had the time to organise an appointment for myself.
Unfortunately my moment of action was met with schedule clashes with not one of the appointments being available at a convenient time, hence the doctor eating into my writing time this morning, but the fuse had been lit! I need to commit to this new version of myself that prioritises my own health over others. It feels like a call to arms. Like fighting an investible army of my own making. I like being organised and busy and making sure that everyone is fed and dressed and where they should be all the time. At first I thought there was no one else to blame but myself for my ram jammed schedule but the constant need to make sure that everyone is thriving stems from generations of women who sacrifice their own wellbeing for that of others. Yes I have a choice but society has set up some pretty strict guidelines on what is and isn't acceptable.
One of the best power moves I’ve seen this week came from one of my besties who was hosting a few people over on Saturday for her birthday. She messaged during the week cancelling because she was exhausted. After starting a new job she decided that her energy was better spent resting and preparing for the week ahead. I was so proud of her for saying no! No real excuse, just acting upon the need to prioritise herself.
Brilliant.
I absolutely would’ve persevered, had everyone over. Yes, we would’ve had a brilliant night but I’d be completely wrecked come Sunday. The following week would’ve been a complete disaster. It's a mixed bag of people pleasing, FOMO and a sprinkling of social pressure - imagined or tangible, it doesn’t really matter. The outcome is putting your needs before others.
Coincidentally this week I’ve been writing about another time I put others' health ahead of my own. It was in 2018 when the kids were nearly two and three. Everyone had been under the weather for a few days with upset stomachs but because the kids were sick I just kept charging through making sure everyone was ok.
The kids were still too young to articulate their symptoms and I just assumed that I had stress guts which had been happening more often since owning a business. Frank ended up having a doctor's appointment for something else and I mentioned in passing that all of us had upset guts and the doctor suggested we all do stool samples just to make sure. It was as horrendous as it sounds with both kids making it almost impossible to catch shitting. A few days later we were called back in for the results and all of us, apart from Matt, had bloody Giardia. I couldn’t believe it.
There was a public health and water safety campaign in New Zealand in the 1990’s that mentioned "cryptosporidium and the evil Giardia" which is the only reason why I recognised the diagnosis. The doctor asked if we’d visited any rural environments recently or drank untreated water which is the most common way to catch the parasite but we had only been hanging out at home. It was a mystery until I had the kids out in the backyard that very afternoon and walked outside to see Frank drinking from a puddle on the ground. We had our cause - grubby bloody kids!
While I’m positive Giardia isn’t on the cards today with the doctor it's a great reminder to prioritise one’s health and not let things get as bad as they did back in 2018. Never would I let the cost of an appointment stop me from sending one of the kids to the doctor but it’s always been a barrier for me. Never enough time or money to make sure the captain is match fit. I should be caring for myself as much as I care for my family and so should you.
