Atlas of the Heart is Brené Brown's latest book and is quite different from her previous books. While she draws upon similar subject matter from her earlier titles, this book is literally an emotional reference book. It's broken into thirteen sections with each section focusing on a different group of emotions. Brené weaves lots of anecdotal stories throughout the text but true to its name, it really is an exploration of our human emotions, explaining why and how we feel them.
Brené opens the book by suggesting that we limit ourselves and each other by not having access to the right language or clear understanding of all of the emotions we are capable of feeling. Her team had asked 7000+ people over five years to list all of the emotions that they could recognise and name as they were experiencing them. The average was three: Happy, sad and angry.
In reality we feel a plethora of emotions. Being able to label and understand these emotions ultimately gives us the power to regulate and manage them. Being able to communicate with others about how we’re really feeling means we are more likely to get the help/response/support that we require. Like most of Brene’s books there are parts that are so incredibly insightful I feel like she is talking to my soul.
I’ve discovered two new words I didn’t know about but have seen played out multiple times in many different situations. The first word is Schadenfreude (pronounced sha-din-froy-da) which means to derive joy or pleasure from someone else's suffering or misfortune. The second and opposite to Schadenfreude is Freudenfreude which is the enjoyment of others' success.
There is no English equivalent to this German term (schaden meaning harm and freude meaning joy), but I'm sure we have all experienced both sides of the schadenfreude coin. I would go one step further and suggest that ‘tall poppy syndrome’ is a direct result of schadenfreude thinking. Tall poppy syndrome is the cultural phenomenon (rampant in New Zealand and Australia) when people deliberately put down others for their success and achievements.
Interestingly the etymology of ‘tall poppy syndrome’ comes from Aristotle's time when the tyrannical Roman King, Lucuis Tarquinius Superbus was asked by a messenger about what his next move should be regarding Gabii - Lucuis, being a tyrannical and all, silently walked outside and cut the heads off the tallest poppies in his garden. The messenger took this visual back to Sextus Taruinius (Lucuis’s son) and Sextus interpreted the gesture as a green light for killing all of Gabii’s most eminent people! Here is Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1836-1912) rendition of the event.
With social media broadcasting everyone's success every time we pick up our phones it is no wonder schadenfreude is so common - I’m just as guilty as the next person of getting a slight pinch of joy when something goes wrong for someone else! I so often feel like we’ve had our fair share of bad luck so I don’t mind sharing it sometimes! This is of course a shitty and shallow way to think but I’m not completely above it. Being on the receiving end of schadenfreude is equally as frustrating. There is nothing quite as deflating as beating a personal best or achieving a goal for it to be shrugged off someone's shoulders. Being told you’re ‘too big for your boots’ is the opposite of celebrating one's success!
Luckily the Germans didn’t stop at schadenfreude and added Freudefreude, which is a far more positive perspective to have. With Freudefeude we have permission to celebrate other people's success as if they were our own. I love this. It fits comfortably within a growth mindset and is aligned with Alfred Adlers 'horizontal relationships’ where we treat each other as equals and remove competition and comparison, thus making for a more fulfilling and content existence!
This week I have been on the receiving end of some pretty powerful freudefreude. I‘m the incredibly lucky recipient of the Jack Rodgers scholarship from the Design Business Council. This is 12 months mentorship from the king and queen of creative enterprise themselves Carol Mackay and Greg Branson. This is a wonderful opportunity to weave design thinking and process into HUCX (which is the name of our company that builds TinyOffices.) with two people who have so much experience they have literally written books about it!
The overwhelming support and encouragement I have received from everybody has been awesome. Considering I started this week in a puddle trying to figure out how the hell we’re going to pay rent, I’ve ended on a total high that has been blooming non-stop as people share their excitement for me, with me. It makes me really proud and want to work harder than I ever have to make the most of this awesome year ahead.
