For the first time this year, I’ve had to cancel my Friday morning run because of the weather. All I can hear right now is the wind whistling around the factory. It's wet, cold and miserable again! I got so excited when we had a couple of sunny days last week - Sunday was amazing! I certainly wasn’t brave enough to venture outside this morning and I’m ok with that because I’ve had to be brave more than a few times this week.
I had to be brave yesterday morning when I was rushing the kids out the door to school to discover that the real estate agent had put a whopping big ‘for sale’ sign out the front of our houses. It took every fibre of my being not to burst into tears in front of the kids. The sign has large photos of all our living spaces. All of our stuff, our life, where we hang out as family is on display and used as a selling tool. It doesn’t feel very nice at all. Alice thought our house looked cool and liked the pictures - bless her. I let Frank kick the sign slightly longer than I should have because he was pissed. He didn’t like it one bit. Neither do I kiddo. Neither do I. But I had to be brave. I had to stand there and tell the kids that this is exciting news because who knows what will happen next…
I spent quite a bit of time with Frank this week due to a scheduling miscommunication regarding a specialist appointment.
I swear on my life and the life of my children that the appointment at the Melbourne Children's Hospital was on Tuesday the 5th of September. ON MY LIFE! Matt took the afternoon off, picked up Frank and trained down to discover that his appointment was in fact on Wednesday the 6th of September.
The moment Matt messaged me ‘the appointment is tomorrow’ (a simple message but unmistakably loaded with so much rage) I was on hold for ABC radio drive. A producer friend needed someone to call in with their shitty rental story and I came to mind. I’ve never spoken on the radio and was actually pretty nervous. I gave myself a ‘Vick Talk’ and jumped on the call.
Vick Talk: Every time I need to be brave I imagine talking to my sister, Vick. Vick is 5 years younger so I’ve always felt a tiny bit responsible for her - even though she has been more of a grown up than me from about the age of 11. Whenever I need a pep talk, or a bit of courage I imagine what I’d say to Vick.
‘Don’t look at it as a challenge, look at it as an opportunity.’ ‘You can do it, Vick.’ ‘What's the worst that can happen?’ ‘It’s ‘good news’ or a ‘good story’ remember.’ ‘You deserve the very best.’ All of the things that I need to hear flow so freely when directed at Vick and not myself! Note: Vick loves this because she can be helpful even though she’s not with me.
It was obvious now looking back that the exact moment Matt messaged would be the exact moment I was on the radio - that's just how the world works. I rang after my radio debut (which was fun, although it’s very hard not swearing when I’m talking about our landlords). Matt and Frank just had to come home - the specialist wasn’t in on Tuesdays so that was it. It was a 6 hour round trip for nothing. I had arranged the appointment, which is a ‘take what you can get’ scenario because there is such an extraordinarily long wait list so I felt pretty responsible for the stuff up.
Needless to say I was the one taking Frank to the city for the actual appointment. Frank, by the way, was stoked. This was almost two days off school. He was, however, nervous. Frank hates doctors - a viscous blood test a few years ago has made him extremely weary of anything medical related. I had to ask Frank to be brave.
I asked Frank what he thought being brave meant. He told me that being brave is doing something that you don’t usually do even if you don’t want to do it. I like Frank’s definition. It’s simple. It also positions ‘being brave’ as a choice. We have to choose to be brave.
My life guide Brené Brown says we are raised to be brave but there is no courage without vulnerability. When I asked Frank what courage mean’t, he said “it’s the same thing as being ‘brave’ Mum”. Right again Frank, this kid deserves a few days off school!
“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” BB
Bravery and courage can only happen if your vulnerabile. Vulnerability is the emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Seeing Frank walk into that appointment with his head held high made me extremely proud. He immediately asked the doctor if there was going to be a blood test and the doctor assured him that there were no needles so Frank relaxed and the appointment went well. Note: Frank is fine by the way. We’re extremely lucky to have some healthy robust kids! Thank goodness!
Being brave looks different to each of us. What can be a trigger for one person, another person won’t think twice about. The more opportunities you have to be brave, to show up when you don’t know the outcome, the less things in life you have to be scared of. Vulnerability is like a muscle. The more you work at it, the stronger it becomes and the easier it is to remove the focus from the individual situation and lean into the process. In doing this repeatedly you build trust in yourself and your capacity to handle life’s curve balls which in turn makes you resilient.
