I love you. 

I mean it. I really love you. 

I can’t imagine life without you and you make me want to be the best version of myself. I want to work harder than I ever have to impress you. I want to make you proud of me. I want you to miss me when I’m not there. I want you to tell people how you couldn’t do it without me. I want you to love me for always believing in you. I want you to love me for being me. I want you to love me because I love you.

Love is hard to describe. Officially it's an intense feeling of deep affection but in reality it can be an intangible thing we struggle to put words to. Love exists in the space between things and it requires nurturing from both sides if it's to grow and thrive. We only love someone as much as we love ourselves. This is most obvious in children. Alice, our four year old, gets me to sign off her letters in the most elaborate and heartfelt ways possible. “I love you with all my heart, and I also love your family and I miss you and I love you”. She just keeps going and going. Her love knows no bounds. She has no reason to hold back. She is overflowing with love and I hope with all my being that she feels like this for as long as possible.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection”

This is (part) of Brené Brown's definition of love from Atlas of the Heart. It doesn’t just relate to romantic love, but love between family and friends. Love is something that I’ve struggled to admit over the years. I’m not sure why but I’ve never been an ‘I love you’ type of person. I felt I needed to save it for special occasions, like using the good cutlery - I didn’t want to bring it out unless the moment was really worth it. 

I remember being in my 20’s and longing for it. Those three words meant I was worth a little bit more than everybody else. It seems silly now, especially with children. I probably tell them both at least 3 times a day that I love them. The best is after I’ve just told them off, like Frank who insists on being up all night. I end up going into to his room hours after he should be asleep, threatening that if he doesn’t stay in bed I’ll get rid of everything that has a screen, there will be no swimming tomorrow and I’ll throw the Nintendo in the bin, but I always finish with “I love you, now GO TO SLEEP”.

Love flows so freely with your children. I see this now having had my own. You really would do anything for them. And this never really stops, even as fully fledged adults our parents still show their incredible love for us. 

I’ve decided this year that I’m going to express my love more freely with the people I care about the most. This accidentally happened the other day when I was talking to a friend on the phone and a little 'I love you' popped out - the thing was I meant it. Instead of being embarrassed that I let it slip, I let it sit there - and it was absorbed into our ever growing friendship as a moment when I felt completely safe and open.

When love is new it has the power to make us giddy. New love is by far the most electric! A simple brushing of one's hand past that of a new love has enough energy in it to boil a kettle. Love matures as relationships do and its electric buzz starts to settle and solidify to form the foundation on which we live our lives together. This brings great comfort to many but not to all. Sometimes love asks too much of us. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day that we forget that it was love that got us there in the first place.

It's my Mums birthday today and her love is one of those unwavering types that I always draw upon when I’m feeling vulnerable. Just before covid hit back in 2019 Mum discovered she had a Brain Tumour and had to undergo the type of surgery that you don’t always come back from. Being able to tell my Mum that I love her is something I don’t take for granted. Neither should you. You don’t have to tell my Mum you love her, even though I’m sure she’d appreciate it, but maybe you can tell your Mum, or your partner, your brother, or your dog even. Help celebrate Mum's birthday by telling those nearest and dearest that you love them. Go on.